From The Depths of My Imagination

I've been mulling over this next subtraction for the past few days, and only just now (I'm talking one-minute-ago-now) decided. The next thing I'm going to be lifting out of my life has become a craft I've perfected over the years. The hours of practice are staggering. The late nights are uncountable.

Fictional Conversations That Take Place In My Mind.

These are not hallucinations. I do not lie in bed at night, hearing and answering voices that aren't, in all actuality, there. The conversations I'm concerned with occur in my mind - usually after a stressful event or confrontation. I role play as myself (though during this time I'm usually far more intelligent and witty than I am in real life) and the person(s) who were involved in the aforementioned incident. It has become as easy as second nature for me to create these imaginary conversations, where I explore what the person "really meant to say/do" (in real life), and what my different responses would have been. Here's what I've learned from this craft:

Waste. Of Time.
Totally and utterly.
Not a good idea.

Why? I'm a sensitive being, and am easily effected by...everything. I realize now that I bring the outcome of my "problem-solving" technique with me, and allow it to change my future interactions with the people from these experiences. Also, I have an amazing imagination. Talk about being my own crown of thorns. People in my life have never spoken to me in the real world the way they have in my imagination. (This excludes a recent encounter I had with a mail carrier who was under the impression that I didn't stop for him at a stop sign. Let's just say I have a better understanding of the term "going postal.") I can't quite put my finger on the whole "why" of this habit of mine - am I feeling guilty (which I also do so well)? Am I a glutton for punishment? Are these things I wish I could say out loud to others?

My mother, Gerry Pettit, who is probably the smartest (and most fun) girl I know, would gently remind me, in my youth, that everyone else was busy worrying about their own lives...they weren't nearly as concerned with me and my life as I seemed to think they were. As I continue through my life journey, I realize this advice, without fail, is absolutely spot on. (Spot on? I don't think I've ever used that phrase in my entire life!) I find that when I remind myself of this, my day is less stressful and much more enjoyable.

It is in this spirit that I will drop this bad habit of mine! When I find my mind wandering, in the late hours of the night, I will work hard to remind myself to live in this exact moment - the moment that allows me to be lying next to my love, in our sweet home, with our darling sleeping deeply in his nursery. I will work hard to remind myself, more often than my brilliant mother did, that the people in my imagination, with the fast retorts and cutting words, are most assuredly not thinking of me at this time; are not worrying about what I think of them or what I will say to them, etc. I will work hard to let everyone prove themselves worthy or un to share in my life, with my family, in our world - and vow not to take over for them in my own mind.

With love and peace,
The Girl in This Red Hat